#That's the year I got back into writing *and* in English
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I saw a few AO3 wraps turning around end of December and it reminded me of the one I did last year. (You can find it here.) And since I did it mid-January, I waited for 2024 to end properly.
So here it is!
I wrote a lot less compared to last year, wow. In fact, I only wrote for a challenge, the @spnagereweek, and I still have one day to write... *sigh* Anyway.
I'm sick of this is the fourth and is actually pretty close to be my favourite as well.
I mean, it's a tie between a) Sammy's perfect birzday because it was the first time ever that I wrote in a little!POV and, all considered, it turned out really good, and b) A picnic gone... not wrong but sideways because even though it's hard to write fights, I like to hate it. Hate to like it. Whatever. It's challenging and that's the bit I prefer in that story.
#I'll go and make one for every year starting 2021#That's the year I got back into writing *and* in English#and I'm curious#ao3 wrapped#ao3 2024#Niwolah wrote that#spn fic
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#tw cancer#currently sobbing bc#my former high school classmates and i graduated back in 2015 and still have a whatsapp group together#our form teacher is in too and by now she's already retired⌠and so has my former english teacher#she gave us his email address last year but i never got to write to him or forgot⌠i also heard he battled cancer and it hurt sm to think#about bc i loved him sm as my prof#and now i was typing out the email after all this time and ended up thanking him for all his influence bc boyyy he just#he's done so much more for him than he'll ever know. he's the reason i grew to love the english language#and why i had the confidence to write in it and speak it and enjoy it⌠back then he supported me so much#and gawd im crying so much thinking about the things the english class did for me a decade ago⌠time fucking passes like this huh#just⌠teachers honestly never know the influence they have on the kids. can be good or bad but gosh if it's good then it lasts forever#and i guess that is true for everyone.. good people have an effect on you forever. i strive to be kind to have that effect too :') and#appreciate those who did just that for me#i hope he writes back to me.. and i hope he's been well#gawd. tears. yeah anyway just wanted to let this out somewhere#sigh
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not to be like âi miss collegeâ even though i do but mostly i think i miss being smart. before depression and life events had chewed up and partially swallowed my brain. just getting to problem solve and think, being Very Into something as the norm. i know being an english major is basically the easiest thing you can be at the undergrad level but i do feel like that was the one and only time in my life where my natural state was actually a pro instead of a con. i graduated with the highest honors and absolutely no one cared but i cared
#aster chat#family life exploding exactly one (1) month from graduation is still just. it. god. it was almost seven years ago and it still hurts#SO much. i had worked so hard to graduate with the honors i did#i took a 400 level history class in my 2nd semester with one of the hardest humanities profs and i got a B#i basically lived in a break room for a whole semester because my misophonia was so bad with my roommate at night#i stashed pillows and blankets behind a couch and slept there to stay sane enough to write my papers#i got so close to Ending Things three times and DIDN'T#my professors LOVED ME#and then graduation came and it was just. over.#went right back home to sit between my parents as much as i could and get yelled at and watch everything go down the drain#like as soon as i walked out of college i stopped existing except as something for my parents and my job to use up#like. i know it's cringy to still be thinking about college but that was the last time i mattered as myself. you know#people liked me because of my brain! my thoughts! not for what i could do for them or for a paycheck#me qua me#okay lmao Antidepressant Time bye#no offense but my english classes wouldn't have made me feel weird about saying 'boon' instead of 'pro' up there#i changed it to not sound like an assclown but my profs would have thought it was funny.
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when I say Sheila E. I mean Sheila E. idgaf about those two others gay boys go get ur own fanfic this is about her
#fugo.txt#sorry fugio i outgrew you like two years ago and now youre just another mildly annoying ship đ...#if i search her up then i mean HER whats so hard to understand. its like if i looked up that stupid puppet from saw and i got -#- those two other guys fucking each other raw in the ass. like okay ty i didnt mean you đđ#im so annoying fr#talking about Giorno. im re reading jorjor âď¸âď¸ be cause i miss them#i miss Bruno Bugatti so much. forgot how cunty he was. mother#i need to figure out what ivrea volume has him busting it down on that pole. for reasons#im reading so much manga because since i had that fight w my friend group and we broke off i have a lot of#free time. so you know.#and also because next year after i graduate i wanna go to jp classes so i wanna absorb as much as i can. and anime seems to be my best bet#to absorb info. i still struggle with writing and reading but idk im getting there. slowly.#reminds me when i learned English lol. although back then i wasnt purposely trying to learn. can you believe i got so fluent on accident?!#anyways i fuckinf got so off trackkk on these tags sorry im unmedicated#jjba#phf
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it's wild how i basically forgot about tales for three years but then logged onto leon one day and BAM the feels came rushing back. like. wow i really do feel that strongly about this brooding little disaster.
thinking back, i picked leon up as a muse under somewhat unusual circumstances and often wished there were more destiny muses to play with, but loved every moment i've spent with him on this blog regardless. and i am very glad to be back!
to the old familiar faces - hello, i'm so happy to see you again! <3
to the new faces - hello, it's a pleasure to meet you! <3
#[ every time i think back on how i got to know leon it feels insane like#ah yes i saw a one off pic and searched him up on a whim#proceeded to get completely invested in a game /as old as i am/ that i /cant actually play in english/#searched the entirety of the internet up and down for information#ended up writing him for years.#why did i do that#truly a case of we dont pick our own hyperfixations ]#outofduty#[ anyways it just felt right to make an ooc post as i come back ]
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Its become a life goal of mine to make an omori mod one day all about Basil- I have so many ideas about him that I want to make a reality
:( but I literally donât have access to a computer so while Iâd love to write for a mod and draw art for a mod, making it playable would be impossible for me to do
But if I ever had the chance I would do it so so fast man, I think Basil deserves a backstory and I have a really good idea of what I would want it to be- listen if anyone out there is thinking of making an omori mod about Basil I want to help so bad you donât even get it i want there to be more content about him so bad :(
I think about my hypothetical Basil mod all the time I want it to be real so bad
I might go draw some portraitsâŚ
#omori#basil omori#omori basil#I wanna talk about his parents and how awful they are#how they never wanted children and decided to abandon him with his grandmother and fuck off back to Poland#also I headcanon him as polish#donât ask why I donât know where I got it#i want to write dialogue from the perspective of a very young Basil asking his grandma when mama and papa were coming home :(#except he would call her babica#babica is polish for grandma#he grew up in America but they speak polish at home because basils grandma never learned much English#and maybe in her last year or so she would begin to mistake Basil for his mother#and Basil would never say anything because he wants his grandmother to feel like her daughter was there for her#when in reality basils mother never once visited in that time#she never showed up in her mothers last months#she never showed up while her son took her place at her dying mothers bedside
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the epic highs and lows of trying to read an ongoing shounen manga
#for me it uh. tends to have more epic lows than epic highs. im very unlucky with shounen#occasionally a few years after something i start reading it'll turn out to be good#but any time i follow something from the beginning it starts getting. worse#is it me? am i doing this? dont tell me to read your favourite shounen i'll turn it bad#did i ever mention that one manga. the moon is beautiful but first die#a mouthful of a title. it started kinda goofy but i really adored the main character for some reason#im still a bit attached to him. he cleans so well that he got the magic power to see real good. and now he can matrix bullet time#hes just like me for reeeeeeeaaaal hflkanjvdkfljfds but yeah that manga was. weird but fun BUT THEN#it got so wack you guys you dont understand. the first like one or two volumes? fun#everything else? god knows JHKFDJFDK i still read it all tho. i was invested in my guy with seeing real good powers#and im sorry to say. unfortunately it seems. a certain manga with a big tv adaptation that is pronounced oh she no co#my curse. its started. although that ones very much a epic high and epic low situation like itll be so so wack one minute#and suddenly get good again and then plummet back down HFKJDSBHJds we will see how it goes on#i started getting annoyed with the writing after the stageplay arc because they kept like. time skipping over so much#which i thought was a bit of a waste because there was a lot of interesting potential in a lot of the showbiz storylines. but we shall see#thats not shounen tho thats seinen but my curse applies to some seinen too LOL but most seinen i read is already finished#and shoujosei is spared from my curse. i think just because most i have the opportunity to read in english just tends to not#be drawn out or have weird scheduling things messing with the pacing. are there any weekly shoujosei magazines out there#i dont think weekly manga is good. for a lot of reasons mostly the mangakas health but also i find more weekly stuff i read#that isnt like. 4koma stuff suffers in its pacing a LOT. but again that might be my curse. the second i lay my eyes on it. the curse#(sorry ive been catching up on a lot of manga recently LOL ur getting my manga thoughts now)
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just discovered cockney rhyming slang and i am SO obsessed with this i wish it didn't sound absolutely ridiculous in american english because it is right up my alley i LOVE doings that make my speech borderline incomprehensible
#me shortening the acronym âtbhâ to teebs đ#god do i just turn a bit cockney because that would be hilarious#still hands down the worst sentence i've ever uttered in my life has to be âB-to the-R-to the-B ive got to go to the bat-tuh-tuh-troomâ#translated: ill be right back im going to the bathroom#like the BRB part is understandable obviously but bat-tuh-tuh-troom is next level butchering of the english language#u know that experiment or whatever where they wouldnt speak to kids because they thought theyd learn how to speak enochian#the language of god or whatever#well i fully believe that if i didnt speak to anyone for the next year i would have formed a completely different dialect#i already have such a strange way of speaking#i know it doesn't come across on here because i dont use the affected vocal patterns when i write#but i regularly say things like âcellular technologyâ#âlavatory facilitiesâ#TBH#BRB#holy cannoli#jeez louise#compound words i sometimes just say the first word and the first letter of the second word#ex. door-d#(doordash)#i unnecessarily add âshâ to the beginning of words#also the suffix a-rooney#that gets added to a lot of things#phrase that regularly leaves my mouth#ooo is there a little dub-a-rooney action going on in here?â#(translation: ooo are you playing fortnite?")#can't forget all of the shortening i do to words#BASICALLY I DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH
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it started as a simple song-inspired fic, how did it end up like this
#aka i finally remembered why i donât write fics anymore: the musical#man i just had a really weird day. first i woke up from this messed up dream#in which i filled a half-full bottle of perfume with water and then sprayed said concoction into my mouth when i got thirsty#i remember that âthe perfume-water tasted fragrant though. like the taste spreads through your entire mouth and around your airways#and then i cleaned my room in a âmy mind says no but my body says yesâ kinda thing. sadge#i wanted to sleep my holiday away mansâŚ. :((((((( what a waste#oh right the song that inspired this fic was one of my favourite songs from my childhood. and itâs 20 years old this year i thinkâŚ#though. even though itâs 20 years old. there is somehow???? no proper english tl of it??? like???? lol?????#there are only semi-accurate machine tls s o b s the song deserves better fr#the cg animation in the songâs mv did n o t age well though lmao. still love it though~~~~#then again. the only reason why it even inspired this fic is bc i misheard the chorus as âaizo aizoâ after looping it one too many times#i hate my life i hate everything how did it come to t h i s#i want my holiday back. i shouldnât have wasted it cleaning my room of all things. sadgeâŚ#it is suiyoubi my dudes#added to my personal cringefic compilation#g od how am i still able to find that tag when i have to type out literally every other compilation tag hello??? tagging system??? you ok???
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I'm finally done with my university studies like all I have to do is submit some journal entries and my final and that's it. Forever. I never have to do a master's degree ever again and you'll never make me.
#it was really cool doing an educational theater class since my university has an extremely well renowned theater program#i mean my university is renowned in everything but ESPECIALLY theater#I can't believe I'm totally done like what a massive weight#I'm not showing off or anything but my university is well known abroad#anyway I finally achieved my revenge against my ex because although I was slow by a whole decade#i did get it done and got it done in a year and at a school my ex could never get into#I'm still honestly surprised I was accepted here and I'm forever grateful#also I do feel like if i have kids they do have a solid school to fall on thanks to me#anyway my family is pressuring me to get a PhD but I'm not doing education ever again and going back to English and/or writing#doing English means I should apply to this university or the other one but for writing I'd need to leave#I'm kind of interested in the one at Belfast#but living abroad for writing would be hard as fuck esp with by then living in NYC for a decade
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So uhhh I was just gonna make an addition to this in the tags, but i didnât realize how verbose I was gonna be, so I ran out of tags. So Iâm gonna continue it up here cause I donât wanna rewrite all the tags:
But writing the words âmaybe I wonât become a palaeontologistâ caused me to burst into tears in class. I pushed through and kept writing to finish off the piece, but something in my heart had snapped like a twig.
I used short snappy sentences and repetition to show my anger, fear, frustration, and most importantly, my constant anxious thoughts that kept giving me anxiety attacks during tests. Telling me over and over again that I was never gonna make it. That I was stupid. That Iâd never make it into university, let alone survive it.
This also, conveniently, was a motif in the text.
Anyways, a week or two later I got the grade back for that piece, and if Iâm remembering right, it was pretty solid. But I didnât⌠really care about that, which was very weird for me at the time. But for some reason I just wanted to have it back. Despite the pain I felt in writing that phrase, I felt an inexplicable urge to read it again. So, when I got it back, I tucked it away in my backpack.
That night, sitting at my desk, up too late, I pulled the pieces of looseleaf out of my bag, and read what I had wrote in full. Most of it was still just as visceral as when I had written it, and while it was emotional, it didnât bring me to tears like it had before.
Until I read that phrase.
I sobbed for probably over an hour that night.
After that I made a consistent habit of digging out that piece, reading that line, and letting myself cry for a while whenever I was feeling hopeless about school or my future. And each time I did, it got a little easier to read. Slowly I was convincing myself that this wouldnât be the end of the world, that things would be okay, that I would be okay.
And I think this was among the top 3 best things I ever did for myself. Along with going to my doctor about getting assessed for ADHD and a particular break up.
And now I keep journals with my most visceral of emotions in them, so that I can go back and read them over and over, and learn to accept how I feel, and my situation. I write prose and poems and unorganized swaths of thoughts and feelings. I draw, scratch and scribble with a shitty pen, with no care for beauty, just expression. (I did this a lot during anxiety attacks in my math quizzes and tests. Iâve lost most of them but I remember how much those made me feel too)
The idea is that if I keep writing and drawing these things, Iâll eventually come up with another of those twig-snapping phrases, or a visceral image, and I can look back on those and view them again and again, allowing me to process those emotions.
Itâs cathartic and therapeutic, and Iâm glad I learned to do it, all thanks to that shitty fucking chemistry test.
(GOD this ended up long, sorry lol)
So, okay, fun fact. When I was a freshman in high school⌠let me preface by saying my dad sent me to a private school and, like a bad organ transplant, it didnât take. I was miserable, the student body hated me, I hated them, it was awful.
Okay, so, freshman year, Iâm deep in my âeverything sucks and Iâm stuck with these assholesâ mentality. My English teacher was a notorious hard-ass, letâs call him Mr. Hargrove. He was the guy every student prayed they didnât get. And, on top of ALL OF THE SHIT I WAS ALREADY DEALING WITH, I had him for English.
One of the laborious assignments he gave us was to keep a daily journal. Daily! Not monthly or weekly. Fucking daily. Handwritten. And we had to turn it in every quarter and he fucking graded us. He graded us on a fucking journal.
All of my classmates wrote shit like what they did that day or whatever. But, I did not. No, sir. I decided to give the olâ middle finger to the assignment and do my own shit.
So, for my daily journal entries, over the course of an entire year, I wrote a serialized story about a horde of man-eating slugs that invaded a small mining town. It was graphic, it was ridiculous, it was an epic feat of rebellion.
And Mr. Hargrove loved it.
It wasnât just the journal. Every assignment he gave us, I tried to shit all over it. Every reading assignment, everyone gushed about how good it was, but I always had a negative take. Every writing assignment, people wrote boring prose, but I wrote cheesy limericks or pulp horror stories.
Then, one day, he read one of my essays to the class as an example of good writing. When a fellow student asked who wrote it, he said, âSome pipsqueak.â
And thatâs when I had a revelation. He wanted to fight. And since all the other students were trying to kiss his ass, I was his only challenger.
Mr. Hargrove and I went head-to-head on every assignment, every conversation, every fucking thing. And he ate it up. And so did I.
One day, he read us a column from the Washington Post and asked the class what was wrong with it. Everyone chimed in with their dumbass takes, but I was the one who landed on Mr. Hargroveâs complaint: The reporter had BRAZENLY added the suffix âizeâ to a verb.
That night I wrote a jokey letter to the reporter calling him out on the offense in which I added âizeâ to every single verb. I gave it to Mr. Hargrove, who by then had become a friendly adversary, for a chuckle and he SENT IT TO THE REPORTER.
And, people⌠The reporter wrote back. And he said I was an exceptional student. Mr. Hargrove and I had a giggle about that because we both knew I was just being an asshole, but he and the reporter acknowledged I had a point.
And that was it. That was the moment. Not THAT EXACT moment, but that year with Mr. Hargrove taught me I had a knack for writing. And that knack was based in saying âfuck youâ to authority. (The irony that someone in a position of authority helped me realize that is not lost on me.)
So, I can say without qualification that Mr. Hargrove is the reason I am now a professional writer. Yes, I do it for a living. And most of my stuff takes authorities of one kind or another to task.
Mr. Hargrove showed me my dissent was valid, my rebellion was righteous, and that killer slugs could bring a city to its knees. Someone just needs to write it.
#this is fantastic#I learned I had a knack for writing visceral emotions#given the right circumstances#during my shitty fucking grade 12#where in one semester I had English (Iâm a slow writer and reader)#chemistry (it was getting more complicated and I wasnât keeping up and the math was increasing)#AND math (which I had so so so many problems with for years but this was the worst of it)#on one day we were meant to sit down and do a practice PRT in English#and right before that I had a Chem unit test and it went HORRIBLY#I came to class already in tears#and after everyone else got started I excused myself and went and hid in the bathroom#I was there for a long time and I was silently hoping my teacher would send one of my friends in to check on me or something#but I also knew that this writing Personal Response to Text (PRT) was pretty time sensitive#and it wasnât gonna happen#so eventually I dragged myself up off the floor#and went back to class#and I sat down and wrote an emotional piece about accepting change and accepting failure#I connected it to my relationship with my father in order to connect my writing to the text this was supposed to be in relation to#but it ended up being more relevant than I thought#since my dad has been my most enthusiastic supporter and ally in chasing my dreams#and the height of this piece was when I admitted to myself for the first time in my life#that maybe I wonât become a paleontologist#and that is okay#thatâs what Iâve wanted since I was very young sure#but I like other things too#I love other things too#I can find happiness elsewhere and I can find fulfillment elsewhere#it isnât paleontology or bust#life will go on#long post
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Itâs so funny how like everything, every interest you have, every class you take, every experience you live through, everything can build and build and suddenly youâre doing some totally new thing youâd never consider before
#case in point:#I had an interest in writing as a kid. read a lot of fanfic but never really wrote it.#stopped writing for fun in high school because I got busy#started working at a library in high school because I liked to read#went to college undeclared no goal for my life didnât really plan to live past 18 let alone get a degree or a career#took a creative writing class#majored in English Literature#started writing for fun again#started reading fanfic again#played bg3. started writing fanfic for bg3.#saw fanzines promoted on my timeline.#applied to them.#GOT INTO ONE.#GOT INTO ANOTHER! AND THEN ANOTHER!#and now Iâm writing daily and creating daily#and it can all be traced back to an interest I had as a kid#and because I took the classes in it and read all the time for work and am now writing all the time#I can feel my skills improving too which is cool#and I mean if you asked me a decade ago if I was gonna apply to a fanzine#I wouldâve been like#no thereâs no way Iâm not good enough I canât do that#also going off that I have a burgeoning career in information science because of one internship as a teenager#like thatâs crazy#they let 17 year old me pick 25 year old meâs career?
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My English teacher asked me âdo you think the antoganist can be a heroâ and I donât think she was prepared for the ESSAY (like two paragraphs) I wrote
#Iâve been told by multiple teachers throughout my life that I am âtoo wordyâ#and I only picked up the habit of talking a lot because of one English teacher who didnât actually grade her papers#she just glanced through them and my super long responses would get me 100s every time#so I just write long responses by habit#I like writing#this is my only excuse#we had to write boasts#so I wrote a giant thing about writing fanfiction#and my teacher gives it back to me with a note âgreat! Iâll use this as an exampleâ#so ya know#next year a bunch of kids are going to have to read my page and a half about crushing the souls of fans everywhere#I hope we get more creative writing assignments#i got distracted#so yeah weâre talking about heroâs and villains or smth#I really like villain characters#and especially morally questionable characters#my favorite kinda character isnât bad but theyâre DEFINITELY not good#Dazai. im talking about Dazai
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I have no idea what the adults in my life have done to me that made me hate them so badly but I literally can't trust them. Over 18? Yeah fuck off and don't talk to me. You're a danger to me having a good day. GET OUT.
#Actually this is probably because most of them don't have enough patience#I remember with so much hatred this one science teacher I had that scolded me FOR WRITING A LITTLE OFF OF THE SQUARES#She was like âYou can't do that! DO NOT do this ever again!â like ma'am it's just a notebook it only matters that I can study from ir#And not even that because back then I didn't study and still got good grades lmao#I still hate that teacher#Or this one time I don't remember why I was doing but I had my head inside my P.E. bag bc it smelled nice#And it was pink so the light getting through the cloth or whatever it was made of looked really nice#But I was in the middle of an explanation so obviously the PE teacher got mad at me but like#I was probably like 7 or 8 I was a kid and I was dumb also the class was boring and I needed something interesting#Like I get that she was upset but come on literally a gentle tap in the shoulder would've done the job better than calling me to explain the#activity with all my classmates looking at me. Like that's embarrassing and by then I already hated being the center of attention#And this one time we had a thing for English class where we had to create a short story in a group and present it in English to everyone#And the bitch that I had as teacher had a headache when we were meant to present it. So I stop in front of the class and I realized everyon#Everyone was looking so I asked the teacher to let us do it later and she answered with a loud voice that she couldn't do that#And she was so pissed. And I started crying. In front of everyone. What a nice experience for an 8 year old to have don'tcha think#Fuck i hate her so badly
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Got a request: Jinx x Piltover reader who comes to the undercity a lot to see some action and excitement with Jinx thinking theyâre from there only to find out that theyâre from topside.
[Arcane preference zaunites] with a s/o from Piltover (viktor, ekko, silco, vander, jinx, vi, sevika)
In less than a week, Iâve gained 500 followers and over 20 requests, so Iâll ask you right away to please be patient. English isnât my first language, and I donât think Iâll be able to post more than two or three headcanons a week (since I also draw). Iâm sorry to keep you waiting, but I just ask for a little patience. In the meantime, if youâd like to support me, you can follow me HERE (bluesky) even though I havenât started posting seriously yet, or you can leave a tip HERE. That said, enjoy!
Viktor:
- The most versatile on the subject. Heâs the first one who is constantly around the people of Piltover, studying and having his room at the academy, which is even located in a wealthy area.
- Generally, he doesnât pay much attention to someoneâs origins, but as the relationship grows more serious, memories of his early academy years become more vivid.
- Viktor is a chill guy, until heâs no longer chill, (at least the original one).
- Most heated discussions are likely to revolve around politics or events in the city. But as long as you donât call the people from the Undercity âbeasts,â âcreatures,â âmonsters,â âbeings,â or âanimals,â his anger wonât be directed at you.
- At some point, he wonât remember anymore that youâre from âdifferent neighborhoods,â and since he needs a hand carrying things to the academy, heâll start asking you to accompany him to the Undercity when he needs to make purchases or pick up pre-ordered items.
- And although it might scare or intimidate you at first, it wonât take long for you to get used to it.
- Although sooner or later, youâll learn to change your clothes before going down to Zaun.
Ekko:
- The first meeting with Ekko is straight out of a book: you get caught in a crossfire, and before you can even begin mentally writing your will, an arm grabs you around the torso and pulls you away at such a high speed that you feel like throwing up.
- He canât take people directly to the hideout, but he can offer you assistance as soon as youâre somewhere safer.
- This is why, the second time he saves you, he canât help but joke about how it almost seems like you put yourself in danger on purpose, and that you could ask him out in a less dramatic way.
- Of course, heâs just joking to break the tension, but when you actually propose it, even just as a way to repay him, itâs the beginning of the end.
- Between your outfit and the fact that, having run into you twice in a crossfire, you were in some pretty dangerous places, the last thing he expected was for you to ask him to meet up at the bridge and then show up dressed like a Piltie.
- Before his meeting with Cait and the one with Jayce, this wouldâve been a breaking point; he wouldnât have shown up and wouldâve just gone back. But now, even if heâs not thrilled, heâll at least come over to complain that you didnât tell him you were from the upper city.
- Heâs resigned to this fate, but he still remains a bit suspicious and on guard, not knowing your political stance, why you were down there, or how you see the people from his city.
- Even as you become closer, heâll never stop teasing you about your background. Youâre drinking, and you drop your cup? âWhat a strange way Pilties have of drinking.â
Vander:
- Going down to Zaun without stopping by the Last Drop is a waste, which is why youâre lucky enough to run into the Hound of the underground right away. Not only is he one of the most influential people, but also one with a lot of connections.
- At Vanderâs suggestion, you stay at the counter, and he uses the opportunity to ask you a few questions, curious: for example, why is someone from Piltover down in Zaun alone at that hour? What do you study, if you study, or what do you do for work, if you work.
- Vander is extremely sociable, and since he handles negotiations, he doesnât hold hostility toward upper-city residents, though itâs rare to see them in these parts.
- Itâs not even about flirting; he just wants to keep chatting and make sure he wonât have you on his conscience. He asks you to wait until closing, checks in on the kids to make sure everythingâs okay and says goodnight, then walks you to the bridge.
- The more regular your visits to Zaun become, the more the other regulars at the Last Drop start to recognize you and get used to you, making that place quite pleasant. And then thereâs the deal with the bartender: if you offer him a good chat, heâll treat you to a good pint of beer.
- The toughest part of getting close to Vander is learning that heâs a single father to four kids, and seeing the hostile and shocked reaction of the younger ones when they find out youâre not from their city.
- But hate is taught, and even if it takes some time, they slowly start to get used to you. Maybe they wonât jump into your arms, but if you decide to stay over, theyâll make room for you or bring you something to dry your face with, in strict silence.
Silco:
- This man, though he may not look like it, is the embodiment of patience.
- Itâs his goons who bring you to his office, and the first time, all it takes is a quick glance for him to know youâre not a spy, a rival, a drug addict, or a threat.
- Silco kills, but generally not without reason. So, the first time you have a heart-pounding panic attack from being dragged there, you get off with a warning: if they catch you poking around his business again, it wonât go so well for you.
- But today, Jannaâs on your side, and youâre safe.
- The issue is much simpler than it seems: if you live in the Undercity, you know which places to avoid and which gangs control which areas. But if youâre just a foolish Piltie who likes wandering outside your own city, the odds of ending up in one mess after another are high.
- Thatâs why, the second time they catch you near one of their shipments, his goons already have their weapons drawn.
- This time itâs not even Silco who spares you; instead, a firefight with the Firelights breaks out nearby, and youâre just lucky that bigger problems show up at the right moment.
- It happens repeatedly: either you run into his goons and instinctively wave like an idiot, or you end up in restricted areas, and one of them whoâs taken a liking to you motions for you to leave, or you start frequenting the Last Drop and see them all more often.
- Gradually, this brings you more oftenâand with less dreadâto the kingpinâs office, who, since even his daughter likes you, first makes sure to get you a map of the Lanes because âyouâre obviously so clueless you must be from Piltoverâ to keep you from getting yourself killed.
- Then he realizes youâre pleasant enough to let you hang out in his office on weekends, when the noise downstairs is so loud that he couldnât work anyway.
Jinx:
- Youâre essentially the âdumb Piltieâ stereotype that comes to mind when people in Zaun talk about those from the upper city.
- Deciding to venture into the alleys without any experience or knowledge of the area purely out of curiosity wasnât your brightest idea, but at this point, itâs too late to turn back.
- Thatâs why, after hours spent looking for something interestingâcolorful explosions that have been common recently near the docks, some chase scenesâyou find nothing, give up, and throw yourself into a bar.
- If it were evening, you might hope for more than just a jukebox playing country music, four young guys playing pool in a corner, and a girl sitting at the bar who looks half-asleep while the bartender cleans glasses, but you still decide to sit down and order something local.
- Everyoneâs eyes are on you, but the moment the girl with long blue braids lifts her head, the others snap back to what they were doing, and she looks at you, still drowsy and a bit confused.
- Meeting Jinx is the beginning of the end; she rambles on, is relaxed, and the moment she hears you wanted action, she jumps off her stool and drags you out before you can even sip your drink.
- She has no particular reasonâit's just rare to find someone who wants to have fun, although you quickly realize that her idea of âfunâ involves risking your neck.
- The first time ends like that; you donât even exchange names. When it gets late, she vanishes, leaving you no choice but to return to the bar in the following weeks, where you meet her again and pick up on that fun âtour.â
- This âtourâ brings you closer, even if you never talk about deeply personal things because thereâs never time.
- Itâs one night when youâre sitting together on a rooftop, watching the distant lights of Piltover, that she learns the hard truth: youâre from the other side of the river. This single piece of information seems to destroy everything you had built. Without a word, she runs off, and you donât find her at the bar at the usual time anymore, but you donât stop trying.
- The bartender probably tells her, or she sees you, who knows, because weeks later you meet again, and she almost looks sad to see you.
- She expected you to give up, not to keep coming back despite how difficult sheâd made it, which is why when you pull her into a hug, she stiffens, taking a while to hug you back.
- The closer you get, the more she becomes like a ghost. You even find her at your place, but you never see her on the streets in Piltover. She rarely stays over, but you know itâs because of personal issues.
Vi:
- Vi isnât for everyone: sheâs for those with a âsavior complexâ or hotheads who can take a couple of punches to the face.
- The reason youâre in Zaun, dressed incognito, is because your colleagues told you thereâs some interesting stuff in the underground cityâs shops.
- What you didnât expect was that the âinteresting findâ curled up behind an abandoned building would be a person.
- Nothing too serious, just a brawl gone wrong. Sheâd hidden to tend to her wounds in peace, probably in that vulnerable âcornered wolf showing its teethâ state.
- Cooperation isnât her strong suit, and, not to rely on Undercity stereotypes, but you imagine itâs also rare for anyone to help strangers wounded on the street.
- She becomes more docile after you simply stand by, âcovering her backââbasically just staying put and shielding her from view.Â
- whenyou blurt out, âForget gin; I need something stronger.â she starts to like you
- Once she recovers, she gestures for you to follow her, suddenly motivated by the urge to drink. Surprisingly, she takes you over the bridge to your own city, to a cozy pub that smells of wood.
- Drinking there becomes a habit; after a few drinks, you tell her you hate that the evening has to end, and she chuckles, flattered, before saying you can always do it again.
- And you do it again.
- You keep doing it until you end up kissing clumsily in the pubâs restroom, nearly knocking heads together, until she pins you to the wall and your brain signals a warning.
- You tell her you live nearby, suggesting you take things to your place, unknowingly revealing something you thought was obvious.
- She stares at you for a few confused seconds. âYou didnât tell me,â she says, but the truth is, Vi doesnât hate upper-city people, so once the confusion passes, the alcohol and hormones work their magic, leaving that conversation as a problem for the next morning.
Sevika:
- Her only interactions with people from the upper city have been with Enforcers, but contrary to appearances, Sevika is a big, intimidating dog thatâs actually quite tame.
- She doesnât get her hands dirty unless necessary, so even though she has no fondness for Pilties, sheâd never start a physical fight with one.
- You first see her in the Undercity, at the Last Drop, playing cards for a hefty sum of money against two shady types: one bald with a metal nose, and the other dressed like an out-of-place gentleman.
- Itâs only when the game ends and she gets up to head to the bar that you clumsily manage to strike up a conversation, receiving nothing but a scrutinizing glance in return.
- She lets you buy her a drink despite the large sum she just pocketed, and when you compliment her on her play, she puffs up with pride and starts talking about how those two just cheated but still couldnât win.
- For a momentâjust a momentâshe realizes sheâs never seen you around here before, but then she goes back to talking and listening, fueled by the alcohol.
- Getting her out of your head becomes impossible, and if you catch her at the end of her shift, sheâs even more relaxed. It doesnât take many weeks before you find yourself with your knees over her shoulders in the Last Dropâs basement.
- Emotional or mental intimacy with Sevika comes at an incredibly slow pace, but she starts approaching you in the bar, and your âprivate encountersâ become more and more frequentâuntil you try to make things more serious by inviting her up.
- Her reaction seems angry, but itâs more surprise; she hadnât realized and didnât expect it.
- She becomes a lot more guarded around you, until, in time, she learns to trust you again.
#arcane#arcane 2#arcane headcanons#arcane headcanon#arcane jinx#arcane vi#arcane vander#arcane viktor#jinx arcane#arcane sevika#jinx x reader#viktor x reader#vi x reader#vander x reader#sevika x reader#arcane x y/n#arcane x you#arcane writing#arcane x reader#silco x reader#arcane silco#arcane zaun#piltover and zaun#sevika arcane#ekko arcane#ekko x reader#ekko headcanons#silco headcanon#vander headcanon#sevika headcanon
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âgive me the first tasteâ | 10k
logan howlett x f!reader
part 2 of âGUILTY PLEASUREâ
"Your hungry flirt borders intrusion / And I'm building memories on things we have not said / Full is not heavy as empty, not nearly, my love / Give me the first taste / Let it begin, heaven cannot wait forever / Darling, just start start the chase, I'll let you win." The First Taste by Fiona Apple
SUMMARY: From the moment you first laid eyes on Logan, you knew he was a tough nut to crack. But if thereâs one thing you love, itâs a challenge. As your relationship grows, youâre determined to show him that, in this universe, he can also be loved.
WARNINGS/TAGS: mdni - smut 18+ fluff. angst. drinking. dirty talk. slow-burnish. age-gap (reader is 25). once again wade saves the day. domestic!logan. soft dom!logan. logan calls reader âkidâ. they watch (500) days of summer. oral sex (f and m receiving). fingering. thigh riding. thumb sucking. throat fucking. multiple orgasms. unprotected p in v. creampie (i would say iâm sorry but iâd be lying)
AUTHORâS NOTE: jeez. hi guys!!! hope youâre doing alright. this is the 2nd part to âguilty pleasure.â writing for these two has been a total rollercoaster, but god was it worth it. as i always tell you, english isnât my first language, so if you come across any mistake and you feel like letting me know, thereâs no problem. thank you so much for all the support youâve been giving my posts. iâm happy strangers out there take the time to read my silly stories :)
A girl and a mutant walk into an apartmentâŚ
Actually, youâre still trying to come up with the rest of the joke. But one thingâs true: Loganâs about to set foot in your place.
You curse under your breath, putting both your hands to work as you struggle to open the door. âFucking swollen wood. I hate humidity,â you mutter, glancing back at Logan, who frowns as you keep trying different maneuvers to get the door to function properly.
Itâs a shitty situation overall. And having that gorgeous man practically glued to your back isnât helping in any way. You can tell he wants to give you a hand, but youâre not having itâwomen in STEM or something of the sort.
âMay Iââ he starts, though you cut him off before he can finish.
âIâve got this. Just need toââ you say, ramming your shoulder into the door with enough force to make it finally give away. Almost stumbling over the carpet but managing to catch yourself, you sigh in relief. Meanwhile, Logan stands still, scrutinizing you until you gesture for him to enter. âWelcome to the smallest apartment in New York City. It's nothing fancy, but itâs got everything you need for a comfortable stay on a budget. Make yourself at home!â
Logan narrows his eyes, the tiniest smirk playing on his lips before stepping inside. Each of his movements seems to be premeditated as he tosses his jacket onto the couch, surveying the room. A portrait of when you were a kid, probably six or seven years old, catches his attention. He tilts his head, picking up the picture to examine it more closely, and then flashes you a lopsided grin. âHow cute.â
âWell, Iâve changed a lot,â you take the picture from his hands, returning it to the shelf where he had gotten it from.Â
âWell,â he echoes, mocking your tone, âyour beauty certainly hasnât.â
His eyes bore into you as you meet his gaze. What amazes you most is that heâs being completely honest. In a heartbeat, you look away, wondering whatâs gotten into you. Usually, youâre not this awkwardâyouâve learned how to take compliments over the years, knowing how to smile just right, to flutter your eyelashes. To blush and giggle in command. Those were the tools that helped you to survive countless first datesâyour dearest aces up your sleeve.
Thereâs no use denying that they remained just that: first, failed dates. You hope you never have to go back to dating apps after this.
âAre you hungry? âCause Iâm starving,â you say, trying to walk away from him, although heâs faster, catching your hand in his.Â
âHey,â he urges you to make eye contact with him, his voice perplexingly soft. âIs everything okay?â
You nod so vigorously that you nearly strain your neck. âIâm fine, I swear. I just never get past this point.â
Inching closer, he presses his lips together for a split second, his brows furrowing in confusion. âYou lost me there.â
âGuys who come into my apartment donât tend to call back,â you admit, a flush creeping up your face, cheeks getting hotter. âI happen to believe itâs a curse, though Iâve kissed, like, a hundred toads so far and it still wonât break.â
âSo yâthink youâre gonna scare me off,â he raises an eyebrow, grinning. His rough fingers become gentle as they tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. âItâs sweet. Should be the other way around.â
Wow. You two are a match made in heaven.
As you detach yourself from his embrace and head to the kitchen, you decide to look for something edible in the fridge, finding different trays of food from days ago, none of which look appetizing or suitable for feeding the Tin Woodman standing behind you.
All of a sudden, the unmistakable metallic sound of Loganâs claws unsheathing rings in your ears, forcing you to spin around. The image that unfolds before you is peculiar, to say the least: heâs cornering your cat against the door.
Why is he about to fight a cat?
âPlease donât kill him?â you take a step in his direction and scoop the little ball of white fur into your arms. Logan stares at both of you, eyes squinted and brows knitted. âIâm sure heâs the cutest feline youâve ever seen. Have mercy on him.â
âI didnât know you had a cat.â
âEarnest wasnât aware of your existence either,â you reply, scratching along the animalâs back. He purrs beside your neck, his yellowish eyes never leaving Loganâs. âEarnest, this is Logan. He has claws just like you.â
âDonât you dare compare me to that,â Logan warns you, retracting his claws with a sigh. You canât help but wonder if he ever feels tranquil, at peace. âYâknow, youâve doomed him to bad fortune with that name. Is he at least toilet trained?â
âAre you hating on The Importance of Being Earnest?â you ask, expecting a retort, though apparently the playâs title doesnât ring a bell for him. âOscar Wilde?â
âWho do you think youâre talkinâ to, kid?â
Nowâs your time to roll your eyes, setting the cat down and letting it run away. He likes to hide in the bathroomâdonât ask why, because not even you know the answer to that. You flick your gaze up back to Logan, placing your hands on your hips. âSee, you gave him trust issues.â
âHeâll survive. Donât they have seven lives?â
This is the perfect conversation to have with someone who just ate you out thirty minutes ago: how many lives do cats have. Jesus.
At some point, Logan flops onto the couch, stretching out. You shudder as you hear him crack his neck, the popping sound getting on your nerves. He pats the empty side of the sofa, spreading his thighs until heâs almost taking up all the space. âCome here.â
Putting aside all your thoughts, you accept the invitation. You sit down, motionless, and his arm grazes the cushion behind your head, pulling you closer to him. You rest your cheek on his chest, letting out a deep sigh, one that youâve been holding in since you got to the apartment. Is it possible that he knows you craved this? This proximity, this kind of affection. To be heldâitâs been your only wish for months. He drums his fingers on your shoulder blades, then starts rubbing your back ever so lightly.
Far from dozing off, you feel alive.
Itâs hard not to lose track of time and space when you find yourself immersed in the warmth he offers, and thatâs when you realize how deeply youâre falling for this man. âLogan?â the mere thought of asking him whatâs been on your mind terrifies you. The last thing you want is to ruin thingsâor whatever it is that you have. He hums, a low, heavy sound in his throat, indicating you to continue. âI have a question.â
âAsk away.â
You lift your face from his chest and look him in the eye. The cityâs still alive outside, with music and chatter sneaking in through the window. Everything seems to be perfect, and you wish you could stay like thisâjust staring at him as if he were a painting in a museum, and you the critic who canât stop writing articles about its beauty.
Okay, that was⌠weirdly specific.Â
Logan tries to hide his smile as you peck his lips repeatedly. For a moment, you almost forget what you were going to ask him in the first place. But then heâs ready to listen, and you a wave of nausea washes over you.
âI know that we came here to⌠engage in adult practices.â
âFucking, you mean.â
âI didnât want to be that straightforward, but yeah,â you say, shaking your head as to rearrange your thoughts. âWould you mind if we stayed like this?â to emphasize your point, you kick your shoes off and put your legs on top of his lap. He observes the whole sequence without daring to utter a word. âDonât get me wrong. Iâd love to try that too. I truly do. But⌠right now, all I want is to cuddle,â heâs still silent, making you even more nervous. âIâm sorry. Is that okay with you?â
His whole body engulfs yours, your cheek coming to rest once again in its original position. You can feel the rhythmic beating of his heart, each breath he takes, the air he exhales dampening your nape. Logan peppers your neck with chaste kisses before pressing his lips to your temple. His voice comes out strained, partially muffled by your hair. âWho do you take me for, huh?â heâs right there, beside your ear, fucking everywhere. There isnât a single centimeter of your exposed skin that he isnât touching, marking as his. You donât give him an answer, in part because youâre unsure of what to say. He takes your silence as a cue to keep talking. âLet me take you to bed.â
âI can walk on my own.â
âI know,â he mutters, standing up with you in his arms, one arm beneath your knees and the other one under your shoulders. Loganâs not used to being this cautious, this patient with someone heâs known for less than two weeks. You see it in his eyes when he lets his guard downâsomething that has cracked, a shell thatâs been broken.
As he places you gently on top of the covers, he lingers for a moment, crouching beside the bed and searching for your lowered gaze. His fingers are warm as he tilts your chin up. âI didnât come here just to have sex with you. That was a possibility, of courseâbut itâs not the main reason why Iâm here,â he rasps, words accompanied by the light brush of his lips against yours for a quick, brief kiss. âI care about you. A lot. Iâm fine with whatever we do as long as I get to be close to you,â he grabs your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. He then goes back to his usual bossy self, his demeanor changing. âAnd I donât want to hear you apologizing for not wanting to have sex ever again. Understood?â
âYes, sir.â
âNow youâre making jokes?â
âI canât have serious conversations,â you confess, observing the look of pure confusion on his face. âItâs true. I once spoke at a funeral and they cut me off forty seconds into my speech.â
Logan laughs at your sudden confession, his eyes crinkling at the edges. Rising to his feet, he begins to unbutton his flannel, pausing after the first few buttons are undone, waiting for your approval. âDo you want me to stay tonight?âÂ
âIf thatâs what you want.â
âIt is what I want.â
âAre you sure?â
âDonât make me change my mind.â
His words donât hide any real threatâthat you know.
You stifle your laughter, shedding your clothes. Instead of going to the bathroom to change, you toss your work clothes carelessly to the floor, opting for an old pair of pajamas that are the complete opposite of sexy. They surely have seen better days.
Loganâs eyes trail over you, taking his time to analyze the faded lettering on your wrinkled shirt. âKeep calm and eat pizza?â he reads aloud.
âHey. I bought it when I was seventeen.â
âYou could use a new wardrobe.â
âWell, what about you?â you tease, toying with his belt. âYouâre gonna sleep like this in my bed?â
âCanât wait for me to get my shirt off, huh?â he grins, that all-too-familiar smile on his lips.
You play along, folding your arms over your chest. âYou think so highly of yourself.â
Without breaking eye contact, Logan unbuckles his jeans, letting them pool around his ankles. He then shrugs off his flannel, leaving him in just his briefs and vest. You scan his body, and the room suddenly feels a hundred degrees hotter, the air between you thickening. Logan notices your reaction, chuckling. âDonât get too excited. This is all youâre getting today.â
âI think Iâve already heard that before.â
âKid.â
You raise your hands in surrender, showing him your palms and mouthing âsorryâ. Approaching your bed, you pull back the covers and slip into it. When you see Logan still standing there, you frown. âWhere are your manners? Come here. Iâm very impatient.â
He grumbles something under his breath, but he doesnât make you wait long. He proceeds to get under the sheets beside you, occupying that side of the bed thatâs always been empty. As you both settle in, facing each other, you canât help but giggle, your contagious laugh getting to him. âWhat now?â
âYouâre beautiful,â you whisper, tracing the bridge of his nose with your index finger, a featherlight touch that has him closing his eyes. In the soft glow of the night, with the cityâs distant sounds filtering in, he looks breathtaking. âI mean it.â
âDo you have an off switch?â
âIâm⌠not sure. Letâs find out tomorrow.â
âYou need to sleep,â he pulls you onto his chest with firm but gentle hands. He intertwines his legs with yours, holding you close.
âWait. I have a game to play.â
âItâs late.â
âPlease?â
He sighs. âOkay.â
âWe have to make confessions until we fall asleep.âÂ
âYou just want to talkâthat doesnât even qualify as a game.â
âIt does in this universe,â you reply, feeling his chest rumble with a chuckle as you settle more comfortably against him. âIâll start: remember the first night you came to the bar?â he hums in acknowledgment. âIt wasnât Burger Night. We donât serve food. I just wanted an excuse to talk to you.â
He kisses the top of your head, his arms tightening around you. âI knew. You donât have a kitchen down there, baby,â he falls silent, taking his time to come up with a confession of his own. âI have a fear of flying.â
âReally? You, of all people?â
âI wasnât expecting to be judged.â
âOh, donât be such a crybaby,â you tease, burying your face further into the crook of his shoulder, inhaling his scent. He shivers slightly where your nose touches his skin. âI like you. Itâs kind of scary, and Iâm sure saying something like this probably goes against the rules of dating 101, but I do. I feel safe with you, likeâlike this is where Iâm supposed to be.â
Almost as if the pieces of the puzzle finally fit together, you think to yourself, though the words stay unspoken.
Youâve come to learn that Loganâs not a man of many wordsâheâs more of the âshow, donât tellâ kind of guy. So when he makes you lift your face, youâre not surprised by the way he kisses you: hungrily. Passionately, like a starved man at an all-you-can-eat buffet. A soft whimper gets lost somewhere in your throat as his tongue makes its way into your mouth, languidly stroking yours.
âWe didnât brush our teeth,â you whisper against his lips, laughing when he groans in exasperation.
âYou love having the final say, donât you?â
âIâm being serious, Logan. Cavities are a real issue for me.â
âYou can always get new teeth.â
âBut my morning breathââ
âItâll stink anyway, and so will mine,â he responds, taking a deep breath and clearing his throat once he settles into his ideal sleep position. âGood night.â
âNight,â you murmur, nuzzling your cheek against his neck. Despite your efforts to ignore it, being cradled like this feels incredible. You canât believe you went twenty-five years without it.
Just as youâre about to drift off, curiosity strikes. âCan you get tattoos?â
âBub, I was actually falling asleep.â
âOh, okay. Sorry,â you mumble, feeling a bit sheepish.
More silence.
âLogan?â
âHmm?â
âWhat was the Great Depression like?â
âFuck me,â he mutters, his voice gruff as he shifts lightly. âIt was fine. Now go to sleep.â
And you do, but not for long. An abrupt coldness wakes you up, eyes wide open, feeling disoriented. Itâs still pitch black outside, far quieter than when you first fell asleep. The clock on your nightstand reads itâs 3:17 am, though it feels like youâve only been in bed for five minutes.
Then you see himâheâs twitching in his sleep on the far side of the bed, his painful grunts reaching your ears. Most of what he says is unintelligible, but thereâs one word he keeps repeating over and over again without fail: âNo.â
You donât usually have nightmares. Whatâs the best way to wake someone from one? Youâre still thinking when he starts mumbling again, his voice thick with distress, and now heâs throwing his arms in the air as if he were fighting off somethingâor someoneâin his dreams.
Pressing your hands to his cheeks, you attempt to hold his face steady. He clenches his fists, his breath quickening the more he battles whateverâs haunting him. âLogan,â you whisper at first, subtly shaking his shoulders, but his eyebrows stay furrowed, deep in his nightmare. This time, you tighten your grip, fully sitting on top of him. âLogan. Logan! Wake up!â
Without warning, youâre on your back, pinned against the mattress. Loganâs straddling your hips, caging you in with his body, the weight of his adamantium skeleton pressing down. Your hands are trapped beneath his, and you watch as he clenches his jaw, teeth bared in a way that looks painful. His eyes are so dark and wild you barely recognize him, prominent veins throbbing in his neck with each labored breath he takes.
âLogan,â your own voice sounds unnatural, forced, as you do your best to bring him back to reality. âItâs me. Youâre alright.â
That seems to get through him. Logan stares at you in disbelief, his eyes softening as they take in your terrified expression. He abruptly pulls away, retreating to the nearest wall. Heâs gasping for air, slamming his eyes shut, his legs trembling. The only sound you can hear is his rapid breathing. You get up from the bed, taking a step in his direction, but you donât manage to go any further since he stops you with a shout.
âStay right there!â heâs growling, pointing his finger at you. âIâm serious. Donât come any closer.â
âLoganâŚâ
âPlease, no!â his voice increases in pitch, not being able to meet your eyes. âPlease. Just stay there.â
You comply, not wanting to upset him any further. Sitting back on your knees, you try to appear calm. A man so strong, capable of things you canât even understand. A weapon turned against himself now stands before you, pushing you away as if his presence were poisonous. He slumps to the floor, the fabric of his vest soaked with sweat.
Once heâs fully conscious, you cautiously crawl toward him, watching his every move. On a random day, this might have been funny for both of you, but right now, thereâs no room for laughter. Logan shakes his head, his shoulders tensing when you reach out to hug him, wrapping your arms around his broad frame. It takes him a couple of minutes, but eventually, his body sags against yours. For a while, neither of you speaks. You just thread your fingers through his hair, hoping the closeness will help soothe him. âFeeling better?â you whisper in the shell of his ear, and he pulls back to look you in the eye. You caress his cheek, his stubble rough against your skin. âWelcome back.â
âIâm sorry,â itâs the first thing he says, covering your hand with his. One by one, he kisses your knuckles, still shaking his head. âI donât know what came over me.â
âYou had a nightmareâitâs not like you could control it.â
âBut I couldâve hurt you,â he says, lowering his gaze to your wrists, where his fingerprints have left their mark. âGod. Iâm so sorry. I have to go.â
âWait!â you grab his arm, your mouth setting in a hard line, stopping him from leaving. âDonât run away from me, not now. Donât push me away, Logan.â
âI couldâve done something much worse.â
âBut you didnât. It was a nightmare, baby. You didnât know,â you kiss his forehead, hoping to talk some sense into him. âPlease, stay. Letâs try to get some more sleep.â
âWhat ifââ
You hold his face close to yours, your noses brushing. âYou wonât hurt me.âÂ
This time, he lets you keep him close, the roles now reversed. You can see him fighting his exhaustion, not wanting to fall asleep. But the more you play with his hair, the harder it is for him to stay awake.
âIâm alright,â he says, seemingly reading your mind. Itâs hard to tell whether heâs reassuring you or himself.
âI know,â you knead his shoulder, aiming to ease the tension knotted there. âYou better sleep, or I might start rambling again.â
A faint, tired hum escapes him, at long last allowing his eyes to close. âI like hearing you talk,â he murmurs, his breath warm against your collarbone, drifting off soon after that.
You continue to hug him, feeling the weight of his body gradually relax against yours as his breathing evens out. The room is quiet, but your mind is far from it: a tornado of emotions swirls within youâconcern, relief, love, and something else you canât quite decipher. It isnât until sleep finally claims you too that your brain stops going a hundred kilometers an hour.
The most surreal Sunday night of your whole life.
âSo⌠when will you let me see Lolo again?â
Wadeâs question makes you stop mid-pour, flicking your eyes between the drink and him. A few seats away, you hand a glass to Adam. Returning to where Wadeâs currently sitting, you dry your hands on your apron. âWhy are you even here?â you ask, raising an eyebrow, and he gives half a shrug. âLast time I checked, I wasnât holding him against his will.â
âHeâs been crashing at your place almost every night. You have your own methods, woman,â he raises one finger, then quickly adds another, pointing at your shirt. âTwo methods, in fact.â
At that, you laugh mirthlessly, shaking your head with a grin. âIâm surprised anyone would willingly date you.â
âI could ask you the same thing,â he retorts, taking a tentative sip of his beer and leaning back in his chair.
You glance at him while you wipe down the bar, looking for something to occupy your hands. âHeâs not my boyfriendâyet.â
Wade mimics a punch in his chest, just where his heartâs supposed to be, though youâre starting to question whether he has one. His lips form a small, exaggerated pout. âThat must hurt, doll. You got yourself into a situationship with a goddamn fossil. Good luck getting out of that.â
âItâs not that bad,â you say, rolling your eyes. âWeâre cool this way. Thereâs absolutely no need for a title.â
âOkay, letâs rehearse that one more time because you look like youâre about to cry,â he lifts an eyebrow, drawing nearer. âYou want the title, right?â
âI donât.â
He props his chin on his hand, laughing at you. âYes, you do. You canât fool me.â
âI said I donât.â
âI said I donât,â he mocks you, kicking his legs and puckering his lips.
You canât help but throw the towel down on the counter with irritation, giving in. âOkay! Of course, I want the fucking title.â
âThere she is!â he exclaims, throwing his hands up in a triumphant gesture. âGlad weâre speaking the truth now,â he tilts his head to the side, noticing your sudden silence. âHey, drop the long face. Iâm sure heâs been thinking about it. In order to understand Logan, I usually compare him to elders over ninety.â
âWhy would you do that?â you ask, your tone a mix of mild annoyance and curiosity.
âJust think about it! Senior citizens didnât date for too long in the past. Theyâd go straight from strangers to lovers. Take my grandparents, for example: in the span of one year, they met at a party, then got married, and had five kids. Do you really want to have a litter of Loganâs grumpy, hairy puppies?â
âWade, thatâs not even possible.â
âThe point is,â he continues, finishing his beer and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, âLoganâs rusty in this area, alright? Iâd bet a thousand dollars he probably dated Cleopatra.â
âHow did you pass History in high school?â
âI never graduated, but keep that between us,â he lifts his shoulders, shrugging. He spins the empty bottle, contemplating his next words. âYou should tell him how you feel and what you want. Thatâs what works best for Vanessa and me. Itâs easier that wayâyou canât expect him to just guess.â
You wrap your arms around yourself. âI just wish heâd realize it on his own.â
âWell, sometimes you need to give the other person a bit of guidance. Iâm just laying out the basics of a relationship here. Did your parents hate each other or something?â
The irony of it all. âThey got divorced when I was little.âÂ
âOh, god,â Wade sighs, rubbing his temples before glancing at you. âLet me get this straight: Mommy and Daddy werenât exactly the poster children for love. And you also happen to be a bartender. Anything else, honey? Please tell me youâre at least getting laid, because otherwise, Iâm going to feel tremendously sorry for you and your mental health.â
Just then, you hear your name being called. Smiling at Wade, you mumble: âSaved by the bell.â Once youâre back from taking some orders, Wade jumps to his feet, coming around the counter to hug you.
âDude, whatâs the matter with you?â you ask, loosely returning the hug.Â
âYouâre a fucking survivor,â he whispers in your ear, genuinely sounding concerned. âI donât know how you do itâyou seem so put together. I wouldâve lost it by now. A life without sex sounds awful.â
âJesus, Wade! Get off!â you stretch your arm to punch him in the back, earning a groan from him. âBack to your seat, gentleman. I certainly donât need your pity.â
âIâm a certified sexologist. Your secretâs safe with me,â he declares with a smirk, gesturing to his empty beer. âBut first, Iâm gonna need more of this tasty apple juice.â
âI hope youâve got some cash on you,â you say, getting him another beer. âWhy do I get the feeling Logan would kill us if he knew weâre talking about this?â
âIsnât that what makes it even better?â
Swaying on your feet, you scrunch your nose, momentarily lost in thought. âHe wonât let me touch him. I donât know if itâs me that does something wrong. We do have our⌠moments, but he takes care of himself. And usually in the bathroom.â
Wade goes white in front of you. âHow long has this been going on?â
âOver a month.â
âOh. Thatâs bad, like, really bad.â
âThanks! Iâll be sleeping on the highway tonight. You can always join me.â
âDoll, itâs nothing that canât be fixed, alright?â he waves his hand dismissively, then sets his palms flat on the counter. âI know Iâm starting to sound like a broken record, but talking to him is your best bet. This isnât something you can just brush under the carpet. Youâre like a goddamn radioâput it to good use.â
Just as youâre about to reply, you spot Logan entering the bar. You raise a hand in greeting, waving at him. He meets your gaze and smiles briefly, and so your eyes drift to Wadeâs, shooting him a warning look. âIf you keep this to yourself, I wonât charge you for today,â you mutter through gritted teeth, to which he answers by pretending to zip his mouth closed.
Logan takes a seat next to him, ignoring his presence. Instead, he focuses entirely on you. âHey, kid.â
âHey, homey.â
âHiya, Wade,â Wade greets himself with a mock cheer, patting his own back, which makes you laugh. He turns to Logan and his whole face lights up. âIâm afraid to tell you I canât sleep when youâre not around.â
Logan rolls his eyes. âGet your shit together.â
âYouâre the worst roommate ever! Canât believe you got yourself a girl and completely forgot about your bro,â Wade murmurs under his breath, just as his phone rings. âThank God. Iâve got to go. My love nuggetâs calling,â he announces, heading for the door. Before leaving, Wade blows the two of you a kiss. âI hate you both, but I also love you. Peace out, my friends!â
Logan and you exchange glances. âHeâs a funny guy, isnât he?â
âYou could say that,â he replies, leaning in to kiss you on the lips. Logan intends to deepen the kiss, but you pull away after a couple of seconds. He frowns, clearly confused. âThatâs how you greet me?â
You bite your lip, trying to suppress a giggle. âMy tip jar is practically empty, and I hate to say it, but itâs your fault.â
âDo you want me to say Iâm sorry?â
âOh, no.â
âGood, âcause Iâm not,â he plants a quick kiss on your cheek, making you smile. âYou have classes tomorrow, right?â
âYeah, at 9 am,â you almost grunt, not feeling too enthusiastic about it. âIâm gonna need your help. I canât sleep through my alarm, okay? The professor said tomorrowâs class is an important one. Midterms are right around the corner, and I canât take the liberty of failing them.â
âThat wonât happen,â he assures you, and you believe him. âI can be of help, donât worry. You wonât oversleep.â
Oh, Logan. Sweet, lying Logan.
Turns out you ended up oversleeping. Twenty-five years on this earth, and you still havenât learned not to trust a man, even if his puppy-dog eyes silently beg you to do otherwise. The thing isâyou love them. You love men. And youâre especially fond of the one currently sleeping in your bed.
The first rays of sunshine hit your face, waking you up. You attempt to raise a hand to shield your eyes, but moving any limbs feels like a Herculean task. A warm body is pressed against your back, one veiny arm draped over your stomach. Logan remains fast asleep behind you, his steady breathing succeeding in making you feel at ease. You reach back, running your fingers through his messy hair, and he grumbles in his sleep, instinctively pulling you closer.
What a nice, domestic morning. Yep, youâre getting used to this. And nope, you donât regret it, not even in the slightest bit.
Though there must be a mistake, because youâre preeeeetty sure you had something important to do.Â
Oh. You have classes. Hadâpast tense.
You reach for your nightstand, blindly groping for your phone. The charger is lying on the floor, the plastic of it all damaged. Perhaps Earnest had chewed on it while you were sleeping? You gently pry Loganâs arm off you, sitting up, and your bleary eyes land on something barely peeking out from under the bed.
Itâs your fucking phone. The screen is completely shattered, with three distinct holes in the middle of it. Three holes, how strange! You canât help but wonder who might have left them. Clutching your pillow, you whack Logan in the face with it. âRise and shine, Sleeping Beauty!â
He groans, trying to take the pillow away from you. âWhat the fuck is wrong with you, kid?â
âI wish I had a UNO reverse card because I should be the one asking you that!â you jab your finger into his chest, showing him the ruined phone. âYou broke my fucking phone!â
âWhat?â he asks, voice laden with sleep, still disoriented. He holds the phone, carefully scrutinizing it. âI think I donât know how to hit the snooze button.â
âNo shit, Sherlock. I believe youâve made that very clear,â you huff, tossing the phone aside as you flop back onto the mattress. The clock on your nightstand says 11:05 am, and you cover your face with your hands, taking a deep breath. âNext time, when it goes off, just wake me up and Iâll do it.â
Logan settles beside you, resting his head on his forearm as he watches you. âIâm sorry, bub. Iâll get you a new one.â
âItâs fine,â you murmur, sighing. This is your free ticket to be a menace. âI shouldâve known dinosaurs and phones would never get along. My bad, pal.â
You donât even get to see his reaction because he starts tickling you, the room filling with your laughter. Squealing, you try to wriggle away, but his fingers dig into your ribs, expertly finding your most ticklish spots. Your giggles escalate into breathless laughter, your eyes squeezed shut as you desperately attempt to push him away. Heâs relentless, chuckling when his own laughter bubbles up.Â
âL-logan, stop!â you gasp between fits of laughter, aiming to grasp his hands.
âWe dinosaurs love tickling people. Sorry, sweetheart,â he manhandles you until youâre perched on his lap, fisting the fabric of your (his) shirt. Leaning forward, he captures your mouth in a heated kiss. âIâm sorry about the phone,â he slurs the words against your cheek, his lips trailing down to your neck. You tell him that itâs okay, trying to find a comfortable position on top of him, and thatâs when his thigh presses against your core, your eyes widening at the unexpected sensation. Loganâs no fool, noticing the way your breath hitches. âWhatâs wrong, baby? You woke up needy?â
âNo, I justââ you trail off as he does it again, his strong thigh coming in contact with your clothed cunt. You search for leverage by placing your hands on his shoulders, glancing at him. âLogan.â
âIâm all ears,â he rests his back against the headboard, the tent in his boxers impossible to ignore. âYou want to get off on my thigh,â he states with certainty. Itâs not a questionâitâs a full-on statement. He knows what you want, what you crave. âCome on then. Grind against it.â
You do as he says, not caring to think twice. You start moving, rubbing your wet pussy against his muscular thigh. The friction sends jolts of pleasure through you, and soon, youâre whimpering his name, your hands trailing down his abs. Why hadnât you tried this before? It feels fucking amazing.
From his position, Logan stares at you, his lips slightly parted, eyes clouded with lust. Your arousal drenches your panties, soaking through them, the fabric clinging to his coarse leg hair. He glances down at the mess youâre making, his grin widening as he takes in the sight. âGoddamn, woman. Iâm gonna make you clean it off, I swear to God.â
âNeed your help,â you whisper, lowering your head, the heat in your cheeks intensifying. The coil tightening inside you is almost unbearable. A kiss is what you lean in for, desperate for more, though Logan appears to have other plans. He fists your hair, pulling at your nape and yanking your head back. The roughness of the movement pulls a moan from your lips, your mouth parched like a desert.Â
âEyes up here, okay? You look at me when I make you come,â his raspy voice makes you feel tingly, each word sending shivers down your spine. His hands fiercely grab the flesh of your hips, guiding you, helping you grind harder against his thigh. You think youâre on the verge of drooling when you catch the way his abdomen flexes, working to push you toward that long-awaited release. âThatâs it, there you go,â he rasps, relishing the sounds heâs eliciting from you, each of your gasps feeding his desire.
Time slows as the warmth in your belly finally erupts, your eyes fighting to stay open through the aftershocks of your orgasm. No actual words leave your mouth, just a string of whines and moans, some carrying Loganâs name. He swallows every single sound you make, everything you give him, grunting as your legs tremble and shake atop him.
He lets you collapse onto your back, your breathing gradually evening out. âI think I saw fireworks behind my lids,â you confess, your mouth dry, expecting Logan to flop onto the mattress beside you. But he doesnât. Through your blurry vision, you contemplate as he positions himself between your parted legs, getting dangerously close to your cunt. âLogan, what are youâ Oh, fuck,â you moan mid-sentence when you feel him pulling your panties aside to lick a slow strip through your folds, collecting your arousal. He points his tongue, dipping it into your entrance, and you wince, squirming. âSanta Claus, is that you?â
Logan grins against you, closing his mouth around clit for a moment. He then shifts until heâs eye-to-eye with you, two of his fingers sliding into you in one smooth motion. âGive me another one,â he murmurs, his other hand slipping under your shirt to play with your nipples, pinching them.Â
You never imagined two fingers could bring such intense pleasure. You just lie there, taking it like a good girl, as Logan sometimes call you. âPlease, I need you,â you cry out, your fingernails scraping against his torso.
âI know, darlinâ. Iâm right here,â he rasps against your temple, moving his fingers in and out of you with more enthusiasm. But what he doesnât understand is that you need all of him. Your hands itch to touch him, to feel the weight of his cock. The corners of his mouth turn up as he watches you struggle to find words. âWish you could see yourself like this. Such a pretty girl, so gorgeous like this,â his fingers keep grazing that bundle of joy deep inside you, and he goes in for a kiss, the sour taste of your slick invading your taste buds. âTightest pussy Iâve ever had. Need to stretch you real good before fucking you with my cock.â
Bingo! That last sentence does it for you, and you come for the second time in the morning, your cunt clenching and spasming around his fingers. You hide your face in his neck, mouthing at his Adamâs apple. He hasnât trimmed his beard in days, and it shows because you can now feel a burning sensation on the soft skin of your inner thighs.
âYouâre allowed to break all my phones from now on,â you suggest, only to hear Loganâs laughter in your ear. He snakes a hand through your hair, shoving it back away from your face. You feel him kiss your sweaty forehead, and as you press yourself closer to his body, something hard nudges your hipbone.
Absentmindedly, you trace the waistband of his boxers with your index finger, your eyes snapping to his face. Logan freezes on the spot, and itâs almost as if heâs stopped breathing. Without a word, he rises from the bed, his movements sudden and almost mechanical. You watch him, puzzled, as he heads toward the bathroom, the intimacy of just moments ago being abruptly replaced by a dreadful silence.
âLogan, is everything okay? Do you need something?â you ask and he pauses at the bathroom door, his back to you. For a brief second, you think he might actually open up, but when he turns around, his expression is neutral, masking whatever thoughts are running through his mind. At last, he flashes you a quick smile.
âIâm fine,â he says, his tone gentle but distant. âJust gonna take a shower. Then we can have breakfast together, right?â
You nod, his words easing the growing sense of frustration gnawing at you. He disappears into the bathroom, and the sound of running water soon follows. You sink back into the bed, staring up at the ceiling. You take your pillow and bury your face in it, letting out a muffled groan. Thereâs something he isn't telling you, something hidden deep beneath his usual gruff exterior. Although you try to piece together the fragments of his behavior, they donât quite fit.
The minutes drag on, and the sound of the shower becomes a distant, constant background noise. You close your eyes, visualizing your happy place, but your thoughts keep spiraling. All you can do is waitâwait for him to come back and act as if nothing had happened.
Loganâs right there, just a few feet awayâyet in moments like these, he feels miles apart. Itâs one of those days in which, no matter how hard you try, you canât seem to bridge that distance.Â
It had all started with you asking Logan âHave you ever watched (500) Days of Summer?â
Of course, he had refused to watch the movie at first, and of course, you had threatened him with phoning Wade to let him know that Logan wanted to have a sleepover. That had done the trick.
You had asked for a day off at the bar, and surprisingly, your boss hadnât objected. That turn of events led to this moment: sprawled out on the couch with Logan, the two of you watching the final minutes of your favorite film. Logan takes a long drag of his cigar, eyes trained intently on the screen. Heâs only wearing sweatpants, which had caused your attention to drift from the plot a few times. The fact that you managed to sit through the entire movie without needing to pause it makes you feel particularly invincible.
Hey.
You again.
Yeah. I, uh, was just wondering if maybe after this, if, um, youâ you want to get some coffee or something.
Oh, Iâm sorry. Iâm sort of supposed to meet someone after this.
Okay.
âThat poor fella,â Logan murmurs, taking a slow sip of his beer. You look up at him from where your head rests on his lap, a contented smile playing on your lips. His fingers absently stroke your hair.
âJust wait,â you say, pointing to the screen of your laptop.
Sure.
Whatâs that?
Why not?
Okay. Well, then Iâll just, uhâ Iâll wait for you.
Weâ weâll figure it out.
Weâll figure it out.
âTheyâll figure it out!â you exclaim, but Logan quickly shushes you, his attention unwavering.
My nameâs Tom.
Nice to meet you. Iâm Autumn.
When the movie comes to an end, youâre met with Joseph Gordon-Levitt breaking the fourth wall, staring straight at the audience as if he knows heâs about to get himself into a mess with another girl named after a season. You sit up, your eyes eagerly searching for Loganâs. âSo? Did you like it? Iâve watched it seven times now. Canât understand how it gets better each time.â
Logan closes his mouth around his cigar, inhaling deeply before answering. âYeah, it was pretty good,â he says, his hand finding your cheek, thumb brushing softly against your skin. âSummerâs a bitch, though.â
âI respectfully disagree,â you tell him, grabbing his beer and giving it a try, only to grimace at the taste. Shuddering, you set it back down. âWhy donât you like her character?â
âWell, for starters, she did Tom dirty. Played with him like he was a damn rag doll.â
You raise an eyebrow, hugging a cushion closer to your chest as you lean back into the couch. âHe knew from the beginning she didnât want to be his girlfriend. Summer was clearâTom just though he was smart enough to change her mind.â
âThey acted like boyfriend and girlfriend the whole movie,â he scorns, placing his cigar down into the ashtray with a bit more force than necessary.
Is your first argument going to be over a movie? Exciting.
âLogan, they werenât even official.â
âBut she made it seem like they were,â he insists, the frustration in his voice growing.
âThey were in a situationshipâthe perfect example, really. Thatâs not the same as being a couple.â
His gaze dips to the floor, brows knitted in a deep frown. âI think youâre relying on the technicality that they never used those titles. I mean, they did everything together. Isnât that what normal couples do?â
Lord have mercy.
âLogan, who am I to you?â you inquire, crossing your arms over your chest.
He hesitates, narrowing his eyes, the question clearly catching him off guard. âYou areâwhat? I donât understand. Is this some kind of mind game youâre playing?â
âItâs actually very simple: if someone were to ask you about me, what would you say? Am I a friend? A bartender?â you inch forward, holding your breath, your tone faltering slightly. Meanwhile, Loganâs hands tighten into fists at his sides. âA fling? Your girlfriend? You complain so much about Summer, yet you canât even name what we have.â
The living room falls into a heavy silence. Logan blinks slowly, his forehead creasing as he processes your words. âWhy are you doing this to me?â
âBecause these are the kinds of conversations we need to have. I understand you donât want to have them, but I do.â
âFine. Then tell me what it is that you want,â he asks, his mouth snapping shut when he sees you snorting in response.
âI donâtâ I donât know! To know how you feel, if possible?â you stand up from the couch, taking the cushion with you. You grind your jaw, gnawing on your bottom lip. âWhy is it that every time I try to touch you, you push me away?â
He scrunches up his face, mirroring your movements and rising from his seat. âBub, can we please talk about this tomorrowââ
âNo! You donât get to make all the choices, thatâs not fair. Deciphering you isnât easy, Logan. Iâm not asking you to tell me everything youâve been through. I just wish I could know how you feel about me. I canât stand in front of you and pretend I donât mind where this is going, because Iâm more than sure Iâm falling in love with you. â
âYou canât. You shouldnât,â he says, his expression hardening. He turns his back to you, running his hands over his face in frustration before heading to the kitchen.
âWell, what were you expecting?â you follow him into the kitchen, finding Earnest on top of the fridge, beholding the scene with a curious gaze. âYou basically moved in here, gave me a free trial of what life with you might be like, and now you have the audacity to appear surprised when I tell you Iâve caught feelings?â salty tears start rolling down your cheeks, and you spread your arms wide in exasperation. âOh, but youâre right. How could Iâve been this stupid, to fall for the damned Wolverine!â you laugh bitterly, expecting him to break eye contact, but he doesnât. âYou think youâre so bad, so broken. Guess what: youâre not, because I love you, and I couldnât care less about your past. You may think youâre unlovable, but youâre not, you hear me?â
For a heartbeat, the world seems to pause. And so he says:
âYou are the most exasperating person I know.â
âWow. Thank you so much!â you retort, your voice dripping with sarcasm. You run a hand through your hair, infuriated. âThat makes me feel better!â
âLet me do the talking now,â he says, taking long strides toward you, and the proximity makes you lower your head. âYouâre not getting the final say today. Just because Iâm not over-sharing my feelings all the time doesnât mean I donât have them! In fact, I do. I may not express them openly, but they exist. And I wish you could see inside my head! Youâd be delighted at how much time I spend thinking about you,â you cackle at his words, rolling your eyes. His fingers grip your chin, forcing you to meet his gaze. âThere hasnât been a single moment since the day we met that I have stopped wanting you. Your voice is like a goddamn radio that, no matter what I do, I canât turn off. Itâs like Iâm infected by you, and I hate it!â his eyes burn with a mix of anger and affectionpur, his pursed lips softening as he continues. âNo good ever comes from caring this much about someone. So excuse me for being scared of ruining the only good thing thatâs happened to me in years!â
You hit him with the cushionânot with enough force to make him hurt, but enough to make a point.
âDrop it, kid.â
âIâmââ you hit him again, ânotââ and again, âstupid. I know what Iâm getting myself into,â as you attempt to raise the cushion once more, Logan takes it from your hands, throwing it on the counter. Your shoulders sag, trying to find the strength to keep going. âAnd I know for a fact,â you add, glancing at his conflicted eyes, âthat the easiest thing for me would be to walk away from you, but I canât. Itâs too fucking late.â
âYou donât know what youâre saying.â
âI do! These are my feelings, okay? Mine, not yours. You donât have the right to decide who I love and who I donât.â
Loganâs eyes squint, scanning your face. âYouâre⌠obnoxious.â
âYeah, tell me something I donât know.â
âAnd IâI love you,â he confesses, his nostrils flaring with emotion. Opening your mouth to say something, you close it moments later, your gaze locked on his. âYou could take what you said, pretend as if I didnât exist, and I wouldnât say a thing, yâunderstand? I would move cities if you asked me, because I love you that fucking much, and I want you to be happy.â
You reach for his hand, briefly intertwining your fingers with his. Looking at him through your eyelashes, you rub your fingers over his stubble. âAnd what if my happiness comes from being with you?â
Logan lets out a harsh breath, his arm curling around your waist, pressing his chest to yours. âI canât promise Iâll be the perfect boyfriend. Iâll probably makeplenty of mistakes.â
âFine with me.â
âAnd youâll be mad at me. A lot.â
âDonât worry about that. Iâll make sure itâs mutual.â
Both of you laugh then, and youâre taken aback when he brushes his nose against your cheek, silently seeking permission to kiss you. His lips move hungrily against yours, trailing his hands down your spine, pulling you closer. He breaks the kiss and laughs at your eagerness when you chase after his mouth. You end up perched on his lap as he settles into one of your kitchen chairs. Logan stares into your eyes, his gaze drifting lower. âI wonât push you away this time. Not anymore.â
Thatâs your cue to finally do what youâve been yearning for weeks. You fall to your knees in front of him, shaky fingers that graze the hairs on his happy trail. The bulge in his sweatpants is close to your face, and your mouth waters at the thought of having him between your lips. âCan I?â you ask, your voice a touch higher.Â
He draws a long breath, tilting his head slightly. âYou may, baby.â
You pull at his sweatpants and boxers, sliding them down his legs just enough to free his hard cock. As you take a look at it, you find yourself at a loss for words, the sight overwhelming. Nothing couldâve prepared you for the first taste of his precum as you envelop his head between your lips, that musky scent of his hitting you.
A whimper escapes you, and Logan hisses when you run your tongue along the slit, his hands gripping the back of your neck tightly. âFuck, darlinâ. Thought about your mouth so many times, but never imagined itâd feel this good,â he cants his hips up, causing your movements to stutter. âYou can take a bit more, canât you?â his question ends with a guttural grunt, his fingers tightening on your hair. âGotta show me how much you want this.â
Logan takes all that you give him. You lower your head further, taking in another inch of him. Sexâs supposed to feel good, but this? It feels even greater. And heâs not even inside you yet, you hear a voice murmur in your head. The hand on your nape encourages you to move faster, and you sneak a hand between your bodies, grasping him by the base. You swallow around him, eyes fluttering open when he tugs sharply at your hair..
âThaaaatâs it, honey. Just like that, want you to choke on it,â he grumbles, running his mouth just the way you like. The tip of his cock nudges the back of your throat and tears fill your eyes. You pull away to catch your breath, still stroking him as you regain composure. Loganâs gaze is intense, and he stares into your soul, his chest heaving. âWhatâs wrong, sweetheart? Dick got your tongue?â
Youâll definitely get back to that joke later.
âWill youâcan youââ
âCome on, beautiful. I donât have all day.â
God, you love it when heâs mean.
âFuck my throat,â you plead, your voice barely above a whisper.
A smile dangles on the corner of his lips. âWe both know you can be nicer.â
The fucker makes your pulse race. âCan you fuck my throat?â you ask again, more insistently. âPlease.â
He guides himself into your mouth, smirking as he watches how your eyes roll back in pleasure. âHow polite of you to say please. Some good manners youâve got.â
You whimper around him, your body responding to the rhythm he sets, fully immersed in the intensity of the moment. And for a while, you drift away, losing your sanity with each thrust of his hips, every tug at your hair. Itâs almost impossible not to compare him to your past hookups. You try to recall at least a single instance when another man made you feel this way, but no memory surfaces.
Time seems to stretch and warp. You donât really know when it happensâhe pulls you off his cock, cradling your face, examining you. âYou fucking love that, donât you?â he asks with that sweet, syrupy voice, brushing away your tears. Thereâs no room left for embarrassment, so you nod, closing your mouth around his thumb. Defeated, Logan shakes his head, pressing his finger against your tongue. âI was planning on coming on your mouth, but I think Iâve got a better idea.â
In the blink of an eye, youâre in your bedroom. Not even a metaphorâhe picks you up and basically runs to your room, closing the door behind him. You prop yourself on your forearms, trying to process whatâs about to happen. Logan, already naked, climbs onto the bed after you, He kisses you slowly, tracing the curves of your body. âYou still want this?â
âI do. Iâm just⌠nervous, thatâs all,â you admit, flashing him a quick smile. âItâs been two years of celibacy for me. Will it fit?â you ask, glancing down at his cock, and Logan stares at you in confusion. âAlso, how many girlfriends have you had? Just curious.â
âI donât think this is the time for that conversation.â
âYouâre right,â you agree, lying back on the mattress, bracing yourself for whatâs to come. âWere they pretty?â
âBub.â
âYes?â
âShut up,â he replies with a smirk. âFocus on me, okay?â
Despite your tries to crack jokes at the worst possible moment, things escalate pretty quickly. Loganâs got three fingers inside you, pumping them in and out. Heâs already made you come once with his mouthâto get you more relaxed, he had said. Wanting sounds slip past your lips as he doesnât miss the chance to hit that spot that makes you squeeze your legs together. The tip of his nose drags long lines up and down the skin of your neck, mouthing at your jaw.
âIâm ready,â you mumble after some minutes, reaching for his cock and stroking him. âLetâs break the bed.â
âYouâre lucky youâre this cute,â he says, catching your lips in a kiss. âCondom?â
âNegative, Sergeant.â
âYou donât have any?â
You shake your head, biting the inside of your cheek. âI donât want you to use one.â
The way his gaze darkens doesnât go unnoticed by you. His hand guides your face toward his cock. âGet me wet,â he commands, and you oblige, sucking him into your mouth. You hum around him, unable to contain yourself, and you hear Logan chuckling above you. âCanât believe this is what it takes for you to shut up. Gotta keep your mouth full all the time.â
Once heâs satisfied with the way youâve slicked him, he positions himself over you, caging you between his arms. Logan pins you down with his body, his hot breath mingling with yours. When you stare into his eyes, all you see is pure love, and your heart swells with affection. âWill you fuck the bad jokes out of me?â
Logan laughs, rubbing his length along your folds, grazing your clit for a fleeting second. âI sure as hell will,â he assures you, lining himself up with your wet entrance. He looks into your eyes for approval. âReady?â
âI was born reaâ Fuck!â you nearly scream as his head breaches you, your eyes squeezing shut. Turns out his fingers werenât enough. âFucking mutant dick.â
âYouâll love it, believe me,â he husks next to your ear. His arms shake where they rest on each side of your head, seemingly as affected as you are. Logan pulls out, and then fucks into you with a little more force. âHow are you still so tight? Youâre killinâ me here.â
âIâve got no idea, but you feelâamazing,â you gasp, latching onto his back, holding him close to you. His thrusts gain strength, and suddenly heâs bottoming inside you. âOh, god. I can feel you in my stomach.â
âI know, baby, I know. Can feel it too,â he curls one of his hands around your throat, keeping you in place. From his position, he can watch the way your face contorts in pleasure. Lowering his head to envelop one of your nipples between his lips, he sucks hard. âYou were desperate enough to get on your knees in the damn kitchen. Youâll be good now too, am I right?â
âYes. Yes. I can be good,â you pant, eyes wide and pleading. âAnything you want. Just donât stop.â
âIâm not stoppinâ, princess. Donât worry,â his mouth curves into a wicked grin as he drives into you again, this time even deeper. His hand on your throat tightens slightly, just enough to make you feel the pressure, grounding you in the moment. âThatâs my girl,â he murmurs against your chest, his voice laden with need.Â
Each thrust has you gasping, your body arching off the bed to meet his. Loganâs grip on your neck loosens as his hand slides down to grasp your hip. He squeezes your tender flesh, pulling you harder against him, as if he canât get close enough. The bed creaks under the intensity, but you barely notice, too far lost in the rhythm of his movements.
âYouâre perfect, all Iâve ever wanted,â he slips his free hand between your bodies to find your clit, and the moment his fingers make contact with it, you canât help but whine. âSo fuckinâ perfect,â you hear him repeat, more to himself than to you, his voice stranded as he tries to hold himself back, letting you chase your own release first.
The pressure inside you builds up, tightening with every skilled flick of his fingers. Youâre sure you must look like a mess, sweaty and sticky, though the way he looks at you makes you forget everything else. âLogan, Iâmââ you croak, the wind being knocked out of your lungs with each relentless thrust. âI think Iâm gonna come.â
He picks up speed, snapping his hips faster. âIâve got you, let go for me. Iâll take care of you, baby, I swear,â his pace becomes erratic, digging his fingers into the softness of your thighs as the headboard keeps slamming against the wall. Your body obeys him, a shuddering release tearing through you, moaning Loganâs name and gripping him like a vice. âThatâs it, fuck, thatâs it,â he doesnât stop, driving you through your orgasm. His eyes snap to your face, contemplating how wrecked you look. âTell me whereâplease, sweetheart.â
âInside.â
âWhat?â
âI said inside. Come inside me, Logan.â
Heâs not strong enough to deny you such a thing. Logan buries himself to the hilt, groaning your name as his cock twitches and paints your walls with his thick seed. Beside your head, his claws unsheate, tearing into the pillow. He ruts against you, his body trembling and writhing against yours, already apologizing for the pillow incident while pressing his forehead to your shoulder. âSorry, Iâm sorry. That hasnât happened in a while.â
When Logan collapses beside you, he pulls you into his arms, kissing you eagerly. You return the kiss, wincing as you feel a bit of his cum slip out of you, rolling down your thighs. He stares at your glistening cunt without an ounce of remorse, and you close your legs. âThatâs private.â
âIt wasnât very private a minute ago.â
âLogan?â
âTell me, bub.â
âKnock, knock.â
He must truly love you, because he plays along: âWhoâs there?â
âIce cream.â
âIce cream who?â
âIce cream for you all night long.â
âGuess I didnât succeed in fuckinâ the bad jokes out of you,â he teases softly, letting his head fall back on the bed. âBut itâs fine. Iâll just have to keep tryinâ.â
This is the story of how you end up dating a man whoâs two hundred years old. But itâs also the story of how that same man learns to let his guard down and open his heart. So, remember this, kids: the skyâs the limit, especially when it comes to loveâand yes, even when it involves dating mutants.
dividers by: @/cafekitsune thank you!!! :)
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